


cry

by jeremell (orphan_account)



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship, SQUIP - Freeform, mental abuse tw, minor descriptions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 22:56:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12921975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/jeremell
Summary: "Jeremy tugs on his hair in unfiltered frustration, because wasn’t Rich claiming that the SQUIP was supposed to help him with his problems? All it’s doing is causing him more, and Jeremy’s already aware that he’s a walking mistake. He didn’t need an expensive tic-tac to remind him of that."-Jeremy obtains a SQUIP.





	cry

**Author's Note:**

> this is about where i start deviating from the storyline a little, the most major change being jeremy's squip 'helping' him w/ michael rather than christine. i'm not sure how much of the original script/ideas i'm keeping and which ones i'm cutting yet, it's all pretty tentative right now!
> 
>  _italics_ means thoughts

Somehow, Jeremy’s SQUIP isn’t living up to the tales of grandeur Rich had spun into his head, and he doesn’t know whether to blame himself or Rich. He had been put through a world of pain mere moments after encountering Christine and Jake at the mall, and he had likely forfeited any semblance of a friendship with Christine (or Jake for that matter) once they witnessed him spazzing out on the mall’s linoleum tiling.

 _‘Perhaps it’s because you’re just a major fuck-up, Jeremy,’_ his SQUIP suggests, and Jeremy is nearly in tears when he yells at it to shut up, garnering a concerned but offended look from Christine. They make their exit, Jake gently guiding her away with an arm around the small of her waist and Jeremy is left alone.

 _‘Typical,’_ the SQUIP remarks. Jeremy tugs on his hair in unfiltered frustration, because wasn’t Rich claiming that the SQUIP was supposed to help him with his problems? All it’s doing is causing him more, and Jeremy’s already aware that he’s a walking mistake. He didn’t _need_ an expensive tic-tac to remind him of that. Static trickles down his spine, making for an unpleasant sensation, but it straightens his posture. The SQUIP materializes in front of him, wagging a finger at Jeremy as if he’s its disobedient child and it his disapproving mother.

 _‘I thought you were supposed to help me,’_ Jeremy moans miserably. The SQUIP tsks, clicking its tongue (did it even have a tongue?).

 _‘I am. You think this so-called Michael is going to fall for you now? Look at you; you’re a damn mess.’_ The SQUIP states levelly, as if insulting Jeremy is no different than reading off a powerpoint. Pain flares in his heart, quickly transferring to his spine once again as he starts to hunch in on himself.

 _‘I know.’_ Jeremy concedes defeat, as long as it’ll grant him reprieve from his nuisance of a SQUIP. It impatiently taps its illusionary foot on the floor, clearly expecting more of a response, but all that’s running through Jeremy’s mind are thoughts of Michael turning him away, rejecting him, calling him disgusting, nothing but a waste of space-.

 _‘Quit dwelling on the hypothetical, you can think about how much of a bumbling idiot you are later. Call your Michael.’_ The SQUIP commands haughtily. Jeremy’s cheeks flush embarrassingly at ‘his Michael’ but he complies and fishes out his phone.

_Calling Player 2 <3<3…_

“Hey Jere, where are you? I was just about to leave!” Michael answers. It’s easy to picture him leaning on the driver’s side of his PT Cruiser, hands shoved deep into his hoodie pockets, wind ruffling his hair ever so effortlessly. Everything Michael Mell does is cool, and it’s a shame that none of their peers at school could look past his obsession with video games well enough to unveil that realization for themselves.

“Near where we came in,” replies Jeremy. “By the entrance.”

 _‘You don’t need to say that twice.’_ His SQUIP chimes in.

_‘I know.’_

“Stay there, I’ll come get you.” Michael states and Jeremy can hear the loud beep of his friend’s car being unlocked before the telltale _‘call ended’_ voice resonates in his head. Agonizing silence washes over Jeremy, and although his SQUIP is currently lecturing him on how to behave once he's in the car, it all enters one ear and goes right back out the other. He’s far too preoccupied with keeping all these dumb notions about Michael out of his head. He’s his best friend for God’s sake, and just because Michael is gay doesn’t mean he’s instantly available for Jeremy’s selection. It means that Jeremy is simply the sad, pathetic best friend and Michael is-

A volt of electricity tingles in his lower back, sharp and unexpected. He gasps and looks up to lock eyes with his cold, unforgiving SQUIP. _‘Didn’t I say you could think about how much of an idiot you are later?’_ It asks rhetorically, arms crossed threateningly in front of Jeremy. He agrees mentally and the SQUIP sighs before launching back into its tirade on how not to act around Michael, despite the fact that Jeremy’s already been restraining himself for nearly half a year.

“There you are!” An enthusiastic voice belonging to none other than one Michael Mell shouts, one hand stretched up in greeting. They perform their special best friend handshake, formulated a few summers back when the duo was bored and Michael had decided they needed something to commemorate over a decade of friendship. Jeremy’s SQUIP vanishes, but it’s still ever-present in his mind and it starts whispering reminders to _‘stand up straight,’_ and _‘act confident.’_

They link arms as they leave the mall, headed towards where Michael had illegally parked his car a short minute walk away. _‘If you desire for this human to like you, you’re going to need to try harder than this.’_ his SQUIP reprimands once it realizes Jeremy isn’t making an attempt to do anything too out-of-character to woo Michael. _‘You’re aware that at this current point in time, he’ll never fall for a fool like you, correct?’_

Jeremy steps inside Michael’s car, glancing up to meet his best friend’s eyes in the middle mirror. He grins at him and starts it up, the sound of Bob Marley’s smooth voice engulfing both of them in chill beats, as Michael likes to refer to them. A longing ache, one that reminds him that Michael is forever too good to be his and will find someone better to waste time with one day, floods his heart. He struggles to blink back a few stray tears, but it’s hard when all he wants to do is curl up in his bed and die. _‘I know.’_


End file.
